7 Ways To Rekindle The Fire Of A Relationship That Has Gone Cold
I have seen many couples that, while they are still together physically, the relationship seems to have died a long time ago. What can you do to bring the magic back and prevent a breakup from happening?
Here are 7 ways to rekindle the fire and passion you once knew:
1. ATTITUDE – Get an attitude adjustment first. Lighten up and do a 180-degree about face. Read the Sunday comics, grab an old comic book, turn on the Comedy channel, watch funny videos or DVDs. Get in a better mood and pass it along to your mate. Invite your mate to tune in to comedy with you, too.
2. FRIENDSHIP – Go back to being friends for starters now that you’re in a good mood. Forget the love stuff, if you want. And just focus on being good friends. Share compliments, do things for one another, go out and have fun together, enjoy one another’s company.
3. RELAX – Let your hair down. Trust and relax. Be yourself. Don’t let old wounds open or fester. Forget the garbage memories and just be in the here and now together.
4. TIME OUT – If possible, spend extra time together for awhile, like during your original courting days. Hire a sitter, order out, eat at fast food places, grab ice cream cones and go for walks in the park. Get to know each other all over again. That’s the key. Then you’ll remember why you fell for each other in the beginning and history will hopefully repeat itself.
5. COMMUNICATION – Take it slow and easy. Keep away from subjects that you don’t agree upon. And slowly re-learn to communicate with each other all over again. If necessary, and it’s not a crime or shame – get help. Seek a trusted friend or adviser, a church clergy member or certified professional counselor. No need to go it alone. Find your weak areas and how to overcome them and plan for future communication difficulties.
6. GOALS – Gradually develop goals together so you’ll have a direction to head. Write them down in a notebook just for the two of you. And over time, develop them, revise them, cross them off your list. The idea is to HAVE goals together and work towards a common goal.
7. SCRAP BOOK – Create a memory album together. Add photos, clippings, menus and anything that reminds you of the “good times.” Then when tough times comes, you’ll have something to “hold on to” – your bridge to romance.
So don’t just sit back and sulk. Take short steps to improve your relationships and let life’s problems magically pass by while you hold on to your relationship.
August 7th, 2009 at 10:18 am
thnk u!!!!!!
November 12th, 2009 at 10:47 am
if he is not free for a few of the ways of the 7 ways,what can I do? I only can have time with him 1 hour everyday average except sleep time he is next to me. even he got time but he is already tired.
please help me! what can I do? I am so helpless…
November 14th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
1 hour a day? That’s not a relationship, that’s just co-existance.
I don’t know the reason why your time togather is so limited, but the first thing you need to do communicate. You have to realise why you are not together more often and what is important in your relationship.
If finding extra time to spend together isn’t possible, you have to make that 1 hour count. You have to subtly remind him why he enjoyed your company in the first place.
I suggest contacting T.W.Jackson. After all, he is the expert. You can contact him by going to his site and scrolling to the bottom of the page. His contact link is there. Here’s the link.
http://www.getmyexbackhq.com/goto/Click_Here_Now_The_Magic_of_Making_Up/126/1
I wish you the best.
December 7th, 2009 at 5:26 am
Spend more time together I think. It must be hard with work and all, but, make an effort and things will get better.
January 10th, 2010 at 3:31 pm
My girl won’t tell me if she is taking off I trust her so I don’t ask . She will fing out where I am and then takes off with her friends but won’t give me the common curtisy of letting me know she is going out. She is home all day when I am at work . if she knows I’m working late . she will go out and try to make me think she was at home . I can’t take it I told her who I felt and she tells me to stop being insucure . What do you think.? Am I wrong or is she ?
January 17th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Andrew.
I see 2 possible reasons for what she is doing.
1. She is testing you to see how far she can go.
2. She’s using you as a toy.
Either way, I see only one solution.
There is an old expression that say “When you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with.”
Take a break and wait it out. But if she wants you back, you better know what you are doing or it will start all over again.
If there was ever a case of someone needing “The Magic of Making Up“, it is this one. Even if she doesn’t come back, you will be better prepared the next time so it doesn’t happen again.
You can get it here: The Magic of Making Up
Hope that helps.
January 24th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
This is in response to the comment Dave left in reply to Andrew. First of all Dave there are always two sides to every story. Now what was failed to be mentioned was that first we don’t live together, second his job is not a 9-5 job many times he doesn’t get home until very late sometimes the next day. Third the situation in particular that he is referring to took place not even a whole week after we are BOTH supposedly trying to start over ( what does #3 say oh yes don’t let open wounds fester live from here and now & #2 oh yes become friends again!!!)and he is the one who told me to go out if I want I invited him to go have a drink with me, but he said he had already drank and was home so he could not drive.So at about 12:30 at night ( give or take ) he txt me asking if I’m being careful my response: “Yes babe I will be over there in a little while o.k.?” Now lets back up just a little where was I oh yes a bar. So at about 2:15a.m. I txt him asking if he still is awake, he responds yes so considering this is the first time I have gone out w/o him hassling me about where or who I’m with I decided hey maybe I should reward him so I txt & ask “who is at your place” considering I don’t want to show up in a little naughty outfit and to my surprise there are people there ( cause that is not uncommon for people to be there at all hrs ) so because I asked that question he goes off on me telling me that I must be up to no good because I should of been there already and have no reason or right to ask who is there. Now ask I stated at the beginning we are supposed to be starting fresh. I have NO TRACK RECORD what so ever of cheating or anything like that in all fairness neither does he, but non the less I thought was a bit extreme. Don’t you !?! Considering the whole trying to “start over again”. So now with that being said, oh one more thing “using him as a toy” what you also don’t know is he will tell you that if he was “stuck on the moon” I would drop everything to go get him. So I am resentful about that comment “using him”. NOW having said all that Dave I would LOVE to hear what your outlook on this situation is.
January 24th, 2010 at 6:35 pm
To Andrews Girl:
First of all, you are right. There are 2 sides to every story. But since I don’t know you and had no way of getting your side, my only option was to respond to his question. I wasn’t trying to act as a counselor, I was just answering a question from his perspective.
I admit that the one who complains the most about a problem is, more often than not, the one who created it.
I apologize if I offended you, but you have to remember that I wasn’t speaking about you personally. I was speaking about the girl in his message. From what you tell me, that doesn’t seem like you at all.
My advice to both of you, and I am speaking in general terms here, is that you have to be honest with each other. Don’t just complain about each other, TALK to each other. Maybe take a break and find out what you really want.
Again, I apologize if I offended you. I was only answering a one sided question.
March 20th, 2010 at 8:08 pm
lol most of the remarks people enter crack me up, there are times i contemplate whether they even read the content pages and threads before placing a comment or if perhaps they just skim the title of the blog post and come up with the initial thought that drifts into their minds. nevertheless, it is actually relaxing to read through sensible commentary occasionally as opposed to the same, outdated blog vomit that i ordinarily discover on the net i’m off to play a smattering of rounds of facebook poker hasta la vista
May 26th, 2010 at 12:39 am
We have been together for almost 4 years. I started working almost 2 years ago and she is still not working. while I could hold out financially, I was stressed and I released it by playing video games and watching movies. She tried to accompany me, but felt left alone. Now she has a part time job and she works with a younger, more intriguing guy (different cultural background). she told me yesterday that she had feelings for him, and her feelings for me had already gone the day i started to work. She thinks she has tolerated enough of this. We decided to take a break and think about things, but I can’t help but think that she might just end up with the other guy. In a sense, she is afraid that if she still has hope for me, then she would be more disappointed if it didn’t work out.
what should i do?
May 26th, 2010 at 8:58 am
To Kev,
I am going to break away from the mold here and say something that may not be expected.
T. Dub is an expert on relationships and his ebook, The Magic Of Making Up is a best seller for good reason. But people are not machines that can be programmed. A person can do and say all the right things and occasionally, you will still fail.
That being said, did you actually read this post? From what you are describing, your girlfriend may just be bored and looking for change. Playing video games and watching movies alone doesn’t sound very exciting.
Are you spending quality time with her? Go back and read this post again and put some of the advice to work for you. Better yet, get The Magic of Making up and follow T.Dub’s advice. You will not win her over by sitting on your as* in front of the TV.
However, once you have put the effort into saving your relationship and she still wants out, sometimes you just have to let go. Like I said, she’s not a machine.
If you put the advice to work for you and you still lose her, at the very least you will be better prepared for your next relationship. And trust me, there will be another.
Good luck.
May 27th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
Thanks Dave,
I did read the post. I can only try my best. Thanks anyways.
August 2nd, 2010 at 3:56 pm
The up coming move is to generate positive you don’t make yourself seem needy. Even though practically everybody feels like they will need to express to their ex girlfriend that they cannot live without them, there is no point in telling them that.
September 1st, 2010 at 6:50 am
I’ve been in a relationship for about 2 1/2 years and it has gone bad because of arguements which are ended up being misunderstanding we have broke it off twice well maybe 3 times. He now says he is confused but he loves me. My feelings for him has not changed at all. I am not sure what to do to get it back. I know we have a lot of stress in our relationship he was laid off and then me he has finally found him something but now I will be in the same situation as him. We do not live together but in the same area. Right now he is confusin me!
September 3rd, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Toni,
Let me get this straight. You have been together for 2 1/2 years, have had many bad arguements, split up 3 times and yet you are still together?
The only thing I see wrong with this relationship is the expectations of paradise. These things happen all the time in every relationship. The fact that you are still together means you must be doing something right. Considering the stress that both of you are under, please don’t alarmed and do something rash. And that goes for both of you.
Without knowing more detail, the only thing I can suggest is to treat each other with respect. You’ve probebly heard this many times before, but let me repeat it. When disaggrements arise, argue the disagreements, but don’t belittle each other. You may disagree with him, but that’s no reason to start a personal attack. Again this goes for both of you.
I don’t know if this is happening, I just want to make sure it doesn’t start. As long as you respect each other, you can overcome a lot.
I hope this helps.
Dave
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December 30th, 2010 at 10:38 am
Rekindling the fire of a relationship that has lost its spark can be helped by all these things, but maybe there is some deeper issue at work that needs to be looked at.
January 16th, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Why wouldn’t somebody consider improving their bed? It doesn’t make sense to me.
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